


Suffocating

by xvav (lieutenantaclassi)



Category: RWBY
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-06
Updated: 2016-03-06
Packaged: 2018-05-25 04:41:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6180538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lieutenantaclassi/pseuds/xvav
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One second he had been doing okay, but the next it felt as if he was drowning.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Suffocating

**Author's Note:**

> I've not been feeling too good today so I just wrote down this quickly to get some stuff off of my chest and unfortunately for Qrow I project on him. So I'm sorry, Qrow, I didn't mean to do this to you. Oops.

He couldn’t breathe.

One second he had been doing okay, but the next it felt as if he was drowning, being pulled down into a pitch black abyss and seeing the light get further and further away from him.

There was no point in struggling. He had tried to fight this battle too many times, and it always ended the same. He'd lose. Maybe it was just easier to succumb and let himself be pulled into the dark.

He couldn’t feel his fingers. 

It was as if he was losing grip on reality. Even if he tried to take a hold on something, _anything_ , it was as if wasn’t there in his hands. He’d hear a somewhat distant sound of something falling to the ground, perhaps it was his scythe. He wouldn’t have known because he was too numb. 

It was always like this.

At first he’d feel the sudden weight over his chest, as if something was trying to suffocate him. His entire body would scream at him to breathe, but he couldn’t unless he put all of his concentration on it. And even then he’d hardly get any oxygen into his lungs even though he tried. Something just wouldn't let him.

And then his heart would beat so hard that he could _hear_ it pulsate and it was just too damned loud. 

It was after that he’d start feeling numb. It always started in his fingers as a light tingling sensation, but then it’d spread throughout his body and make him feel heavy. At this point he usually just gave up and let himself be pulled further into the dark. Everything was too heavy and he couldn't fight it on his own.

_“Qrow.”_

He knew that voice. It was the only small glimmer of hope when things got really bad. One of few things that seemed to be able to break through the darkness. 

_“Qrow, listen to me, you need to breathe!”_

A weight on his shoulders, but this time not the same kind of weight he felt over his chest. The weight on his shoulders was warm and firm, tugging him back to reality.

_“Look at me, Qrow, please look at me.”_

It almost felt like being pulled up from water after having been down under the surface for way too long. Once he was “up” again he gasped, desperate to get air into his lungs. It felt as if he had been drowning even though he hadn’t been under water.

But now he was safe.

He wasn’t in the dark. He wasn’t under water. 

He wasn’t _alone_.

“Are you with me? Qrow?”

Warm familiar hands on his face. Comforting. _Home_. 

“Y-yes,” he croaked, voice shaky as he reached out to James with trembling hands, “Yes.”

 James looked at him with such concern that Qrow wanted to cry. But he was already crying. Maybe he had been from the beginning? He wasn’t sure. But James was there, carefully wiping tears from his face.

“You’re safe, Qrow,” he soothingly said, “You’re safe. I’m here.”

“You’re here,” Qrow whispered in response, “I’m here.”

He was holding on to James’s shirt, finally starting to feel the numbness disappearing. He could _feel_ the fabric underneath his fingers, and the edge where metal met flesh underneath the shirt.

“We’re here,” James assured him again and removed his hands from Qrow’s face, instead pulling him into a tight hug, “Everything will be fine, I swear.”

They both knew that it was an empty promise. Because one day they’d be going through this scenario again. Qrow had lost count of how many times it had happened. James had been there almost all of the times he got this bad. He still wasn’t sure how James could stand it, but he was grateful for it.

“I can’t do this, James,” Qrow croaked after a while, holding on to James as if his life depended on it, “I can’t do this alone.”

“You aren’t alone, Qrow,” James murmured as he rubbed soothing circles across Qrow’s back, “ _We_ can do this. Together.”

Qrow buried his face in James’s shoulder and took a shaky breath.

“Together,” Qrow repeated and closed his eyes, “With you.”

“Always,” James sighed softly, “I’m always here with you.”

Without James he wouldn’t be able to keep moving forward. Especially not on a night like this. But being there in James’s arms, it made him feel at least a tiny bit hopeful again. Even though he was exhausted.

They would keep fighting their demons.

They'd fight  _together_. And when one of them would break, then the other would be there to help pick up the pieces.

And then they'd keep fighting until something broke again.

It was an endless cycle, but they didn't have much of a choice.

“I love you,” Qrow whispered, “I love you so much.”

“I love you too, Qrow,” James murmured and buried his face in Qrow’s hair, “More than anything.”

All they could do right now was to hope for a better tomorrow.

**Author's Note:**

> I was thinking of just not publishing this because it feels pretty personal, but I don't know. If I've put it down on paper (uh, well, digital paper) then I might as well publish it.  
> I'll be back to my regular Ironqrow stuff soon.
> 
> (Also not sure when this takes place? I was thinking maybe sometime after the season finale, with Qrow feeling the pressure of having been left to pick up where Ozpin left off and so on... possibly.)


End file.
